! Valentine Day sayings for my "usenet" friends :-)

Valentine Day sayings for my "usenet" friends

10. I admire your strength, I admire your spunk but the thing
I like best, is getting you drunk.

9. Our love will never become cold and hollow
Unless, one day, you refuse to swallow.

8. I bought this Valentine's card at the store
In hopes that, later, you'd be my whore.

7. This feels so good, it feels so right
I just wish it wasn't $250 a night.

6. You're a woman of style, you're a woman of class
especially when I'm spanking, your big-round-fat ass.

5. Before I met you, my heart was so famished But now I'm
fulfilled...SO MAKE ME A SANDWICH!

4. Through all the things that came to pass Our love has
grown but so's your ass.

3. You're a honey and you're a cutie
I just wished you had J-Lo's "booty."

2. I don't wanna be sappy or silly or corny
So, right to the point, let's do it, I'm horny!

1. If you think that hickey looks like a blister
You should check out the one that I gave to your sister!

During a routine physical, a doctor tells his patient to
drop his pants.

After the examination, the doctor says to the man, "You have
the filthiest balls I've ever seen!"

The guy goes home to his wife and says, "I want to talk to
you about something."

She replies, "Not now, I've been so busy lately that I
haven't had time to wipe my ass!"

He says, "That's what I want to talk to you about."


The highly religious young man entered his wedding chamber
and was shocked to find his new young bride awaiting him,
spread-eagle and naked on their bed.

"My dear!" he exclaimed, "I expected to find you beside our
bed and on your knees!"

"OK," she said, obediently changing positions, "but I always
get the hiccups when I screw in that position."


"I'm not making this up. In Switzerland a company is
marketing a beer directed at gay people. If you drink too
much, you're pulled over by a cop, a construction worker, an
Indian, and a cowboy. It comes in a bottle although most guys
like it in the can."
---Jay Leno



Q: What's the difference between Karate and Judo?

A: Karate is a method of self-defense, and Judo is what
bagels are made of.



A young couple were kissing passionately when, suddenly, the
young man pulled back, smiled, and said, "Oops, I have your
gum."

She looked puzzled as she said, "But I wasn't chewing gum."
Then the light dawned as she said, "But I have a cold."

Q: What does a NASCAR couple have in common?

A: DNA.



A policeman arrives at the scene of an accident, in which a car
smashed into a tree. The officer rushes over to the vehicle and
asks the driver, "Are you seriously hurt?"

"How do I know?" the driver responds. "I'm not a lawyer!"


The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish women
like Chinese food so much. The study revealed that this is due
to the fact that WonTon spelled backwards is Not Now.

Rednecks Did you hear about the South Carolina redneck who passed away
and left his entire estate in trust for his beloved widow? She can't
touch it till she's
fourteen.
What's the difference between a good ol' boy and a redneck? The good
ol' boy
raises livestock. The redneck gets emotionally involved.

What's the most popular pick-up line in Alabama? Nice tooth!

Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911 operator told
Bubba
That she would send someone out right away.
"Where do you live?" asked the operator.
Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive."
The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?
"There was a long pause and finally Bubba said, "How 'bout if I drag
her
Over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?"


How do you know when your staying in a Kentucky hotel? When you call
the front desk and say "I've gotta leak in my sink" and the person at
the front desk says "go ahead."


How can you tell if a Texas redneck is married? There is dried
chewing
tobacco on both sides of his pickup truck.

Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age in
Tennessee to
32? It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools!

What do they call reruns of "Hee Haw" in Mississippi? A documentary.

How many rednecks does it take eat a 'possum? Two. One to eat, and
one to
watch out for traffic.

Why did God invent armadillos? So that Texas rednecks can have
'possum on
the halfshell.

Where was the toothbrush invented? Oklahoma. If it was invented
anywhere
else it would have been called a teethbrush.

Arkansas State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-40. He says to
the driver, "Got any ID?"
The driver says, "Bout what?"

Did you hear about the $3,000,000 Tennessee State Lottery? The winner
gets
$3 a year for a million years.

Why did O. J. Simpson want to move to West Virginia? Everyone has
the same
DNA.

Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Little Rock, Arkansas
burned
down? Yep. Pert' near took out the whole trailer park.

A new law recently passed in North Carolina: When a couple gets
divorced,
they're still brother and sister.

What's the best thing to ever come out of Arkansas? I-40.

Two Mississippians are walking down different ends of a street toward
each
other, and one is carrying a sack. When they meet, one says, "Hey
Tommy
Ray, what'cha got in th' bag?"

"Jus' some chickens."
"If I guesses how many they are, can I have one?"
"Shoot, ya guesses right and I'll give ya both of 'em."
"OK. Ummmmm . . . five?"